Being there

Yesterday was a festival day at the Priory. It was the Parinirvana festival, commemorating the Buddhas death. I attended the festival ceremony but just for a change didn't take an active part in it. It's quite a complicated ceremony with lots of candles being snuffed out and lights being turned off then them all being lit again, which requires a lot of coordination between various people in order to get the timing just right. These things are always fraught with difficulty. Anyone playing an active part in the ceremony can easily get the heebie jeebies. What if I do the wrong thing at the wrong time and spoil the whole thing? It really is quite unsettling. I've been through this kind of thing many times myself and made a not quite conscious effort to try and conquer my fear. In fact what happened was I made many, many mistakes in various festivals and ceremonies and gradually realised that it didn't all fall apart and it would somehow be OK anyway.

What really helps in these situations though is to simply key into something deeper. In other words, just be there. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to make a mistake. I still do this after a few years of taking part in ceremonies. It just means that when it does go wrong I just note what I did and carry on to the next bit instead of tripping myself up at that point and being completely off balance for the rest of the ceremony. When it works right (and it doesn't always) the whole thing just seems to flow. The more complicated ceremonies rarely go exactly to plan. Even if you discount thefact that this is a room full of human beings with human failings, inanimate objects do often take on a life of their own to throw extra confusion into the mix.

I suppose what I am saying is that it is possible to go through these ceremonies with a meditative mind. When we do so, these little problems are just dealt with when they arise without us buying into the whole confusion. Each ceremony has its particular significance, some of which rings true with me and some of which is probably completely lost on me but as well as this, there is something quite enjoyable about the whole thing when I manage to penetrate the fears that surround this kind of public performance. I don't know if this really counts as part of the devotional aspect that Rev. Mugo spoke about in her blog. I suspect this is something a little different but I think it has value all the same.

In memory of Daisy and Molly

A few weeks ago one of our 8 guinea pigs died. Daisy had not had the best start in life. She was rescued by the RSPCA and was in such a state that they didn't know she had long hair. Her and her sister Clover came to us in the best of possible health thanks to the tender care of Chrissie who looks after guinea pigs for the RSPCA. We like to think they were happier here. They certainly seemed to be.

Daisy was initially distrustful of us and tended to bite, something rare in guinea pigs who are by nature gentle. She quickly grew to trust us though and got a reputation as our loudest pig, wheeking happily whenever she was picked up and stroked. Her bad start in life had cost her though and her health wasn't good for the last year. She still seemed quit happy. The end came suddenly when she had a stroke. She went downhill so quickly that she died on the way to the vets.

Molly was by far the liveliest of our guinea pigs. She was one of the first two my wife got. She was a real character. Always full of energy and enthusiasm which meant that she was often a complete pain! She was a favourite with many of the people who visited us to see the pigs. She developed a mysterious problem a month or so back which reslved itself into a bladder infection. Our brillliant vet operated on her and removed several bladder stones. However, it seems that her kidneys had become infected. It is a testament to her boundless energy and strength that she survived the operation and for a couple of weeks after. All kinds of medication had been tried but nothing seemed to halt her deterioration. She passed away quietly this afternoon, something of a relief as she had been in some pain of late.

Daisy and Molly both did their part in bringing some joy to our lives and they will be greatly missed. I trust that they will both have a better time of it in their next existence.

In Gassho to Molly and Daisy.

Now that I know everything...

There is some part of my mind that likes to see myself as a clever person. It probably stems from school days when a teacher sent me to a psychiatrist to have me evaluated because I was doing very little in class and hardly ever did any homework. The psychiatrists evaluation was that I was actually quite intelligent. In fact, I was bored and didn't do the work because it didn't really stimulate me. For years I didn't really know how to work hard and I still have problems with it to this day.

This has given me an inflated opinion of my own intelligence. I have lots of knowledge stuffed in my head about a wide variety of things, most of it pretty useless. Much of it wouldn't even help me win a pub quiz! But what I have been thinking for some time is that I don't really know anything at all! I can regurgitate knowledge that other people have given me or I have read but I don't really have any way of being absolutely certain that one little bit of it is true!

Of course, it's useful to have such knowledge. I couldn't do my job without it. The thing is it doesn't make me in any way superior to someone who doesn't have such knowledge.

Modern science is built on a tree of knowledge. At the root is a few basic assumptions about the way the universe is. Above that are mathematics and pure sciences like physics and somewhere above those are the less easily defined sciences like psychology. The whole tree is also sprinkled with assumptions.

Most of these assumptions we assume are correct because they make sense. Einsteins theory of special relativity is based on two such assumptions. One of them makes sense, the other has been shown to be true by experiments. But those experiments aren't really absolute proof. You can show that the speed of light is the same in any frame of reference to a limited degree, but you can't really show it for all frames of reference. Do we know for sure that the same holds true on the other side of the universe?

I don't want to get too technical here. I'm just making a general point about the nature of knowledge. Of course, we believe most of these basic assumptions to be true because it is convenient to do so. If we didn't, there would be absolutely nothing to hold on to as basic truth. Would that be such a terrible thing? It would certainly not help us increase our knowledge about the world and universe around us. But is would be a form of letting go. We can assume that the assumptions are correct without believing them. This is a form of letting go.

One of the major criticisms levelled at religion by those of a scientific mind is that it is founded on belief in something that can't be proven. Well, the same is true of the whole of science. It is a belief system like any other. It is fundamental to human nature to believe things without proof. It is quite unsettling to let go of all that belief. There is an alternative and that is not to believe it but to trust it. Maybe that's what many scientists do. They don't believe the speed of light is always constant but they trust that it is.

If I accept that the basic assumptions I make about the world around me may not be true, I can still trust those assumptions to the point where I can see they are not true. It also means I can accept that I really don't know anything at all!

Bird watching

Well, the excitement of this new thing has got the better of me, so here is my second post of the day.

On Mondays I often work at home. We have a small study that overlooks the back garden. Just over a week ago, I put out some food for the bird: some seeds on a bird table and a couple of high fat type things hanging in a tree to help them get through what remains of the winter. They've taken to it very well and I find it a brilliant distraction from work to look out of the window and see what's feeding at any particular moment. So far I have seen mobs of starlings, the occasional lone robin, a group of 3-4 collared doves, a wood pigeon or two, a few of the more common type pigeon (not sure what these are generally referred to as) and various coal tits and blue tits. Nothing rare as yet, but I'm only too happy to see whatever visitors we get.

Opening comments

My first stab at a Blog. I hope to make it interesting, if not for other people at least for me. Here's a bit of background, some of which may be briefly mentioned in my profile.

Let's start with a list of the pigeonholes I could squeeze myself into:

• I'm a Zen Buddhist who is associated with the Order of Buddhist Contemplatives. Throssel Hole Buddhist Abbey
  is the primary centre for this tradition in the UK. However, my local centre for practice and a very important part of my life for about the last 5 years is here.
  
• I practice Tai Chi with this group. I have been going for about a year and a half. I find it helps enormously with my well-being. It also has some meditative qualities which complement my Buddhist practice.
• I am married to the lovely Gingerpig. We were married last year at the Priory mentioned above. If you really want to see some of our wedding photos, take a look here.
• I am a software engineer working for a large networking equpment manufacturer. I develop in Java and C/C++ for anyone interested in that kind of thing.

I don't think I need to say a lot more right now as a Blog is necessarily all about the person creating it, so I will get plenty of opportunity to fill in the many gaps.