I'm a Buddhist!

When I first did Jukai and officially declared myself to be a Buddhist, there was a great temptation to tell everyone I met. It was a really exciting thing for me! what didn't quite tally though was the differing reactions I got. They ranged from almost complete indifference to mild hostility to metaphysical interest. I still occasionally mention to someone that I am a Buddhist if the conversation should range in that direction but I am unlikely to go out of my way to let someone know.

What's more interesting in a way is not peoples reactions to this piece of news but more what I expect the reaction to be. Some part of me seems to think that Buddhism is somehow cool and maybe a little trendy for a religion. The more I talk to people the more I realise that this isn't the general perception but the belief is still there for some reason. It's not just that though. It's also that people will think I am a good person just because I am a Buddhist. Well, why should they? I don't think someone is a good person just because they are a Christian. I would have to talk to that person first and get some idea of what their value system is and how closely it agreed with mine before I form an opinion. And even then, it is just my own opinion of someone else and really not worth a great deal. After all, I don't know everything about that persons background or upbringing so I can't really know why that person holds those values. and why is my opinion of them more valid than theirs of themselves? Who can know someone better than they know themselves?

Then again, there are people who's reaction is that I am probably a good person because I practice Buddhism. That's really a double edged sword. At some point, I may do something which doesn't accord with their moral code and the reaction comes back "You're not a very good Buddhist, are you?". Well, of course I'm not. I'm just a human being trying to simply do my best and occasionally I make mistakes just as anyone else does. Being a Buddhist doesn't make me super-human and it doesn't mean I know any better than anyone else.

So what's the issue here? The problem is really my own expectation, my own ego. I want people to like me or to think I am a good person. I guess these things shouldn't matter really. It is better that I do what I feel is the right thing and not be overly influenced by the people around me. But I'm just a human being and these things do affect me whether I want them to or not. After all, I'm just a human being.