I'm a Buddhist!

When I first did Jukai and officially declared myself to be a Buddhist, there was a great temptation to tell everyone I met. It was a really exciting thing for me! what didn't quite tally though was the differing reactions I got. They ranged from almost complete indifference to mild hostility to metaphysical interest. I still occasionally mention to someone that I am a Buddhist if the conversation should range in that direction but I am unlikely to go out of my way to let someone know.

What's more interesting in a way is not peoples reactions to this piece of news but more what I expect the reaction to be. Some part of me seems to think that Buddhism is somehow cool and maybe a little trendy for a religion. The more I talk to people the more I realise that this isn't the general perception but the belief is still there for some reason. It's not just that though. It's also that people will think I am a good person just because I am a Buddhist. Well, why should they? I don't think someone is a good person just because they are a Christian. I would have to talk to that person first and get some idea of what their value system is and how closely it agreed with mine before I form an opinion. And even then, it is just my own opinion of someone else and really not worth a great deal. After all, I don't know everything about that persons background or upbringing so I can't really know why that person holds those values. and why is my opinion of them more valid than theirs of themselves? Who can know someone better than they know themselves?

Then again, there are people who's reaction is that I am probably a good person because I practice Buddhism. That's really a double edged sword. At some point, I may do something which doesn't accord with their moral code and the reaction comes back "You're not a very good Buddhist, are you?". Well, of course I'm not. I'm just a human being trying to simply do my best and occasionally I make mistakes just as anyone else does. Being a Buddhist doesn't make me super-human and it doesn't mean I know any better than anyone else.

So what's the issue here? The problem is really my own expectation, my own ego. I want people to like me or to think I am a good person. I guess these things shouldn't matter really. It is better that I do what I feel is the right thing and not be overly influenced by the people around me. But I'm just a human being and these things do affect me whether I want them to or not. After all, I'm just a human being.

It's been a little while since I last posted and things have happened. I don't feel it is appropriate to apologise for my online silence. I post only when I feel the urge to do so. If I have nothing to say, why try and say something?

My birthday coincided with mothers day in the UK. It was also the day the clocks changed. The latter two mark one of my favourite times of year, the serious onset of spring. mothering Sunday having it's roots in fertility festivals.

On the same day (very busy day!) we celebrated Segaki at the Priory. I was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to precent at this festival, the first time I have precented this particular ceremony. It's not one of the easiest ceremonies to precent, partly consisting of loud and forceful chanting in Japanese as a prayer of protection.

With so many deaths recently it was also quite a poignant ceremony. It is called "The feeding of the hungry ghosts". I won't go into too much detail about the significance of this in case I get it wrong, but I'm sure there is plenty of information available through search engines. After the ceremony, we had the opportunity to ask questions. I had a rather ordinary question to ask about the names of the Buddhas displayed above the table during the ceremony. One of these Buddhas is said to be the Buddha of clinging. I hadn't heard of such a thing before. If there is a Buddha of clinging, the very act that proves such an obstacle in training, then this really does bring home the fact that Buddha nature is in absolutely everything.

I've resisted saying too much about death here because I feel I have already said enough, or at least experienced enough for a while. I don't want to try and ignore it as we tend to do so much in our culture but I think it is also appropriate at times to move on to other things. Both my wife and myself have been ill the last few days with a nasty 'flu type bug which means I haven't been able to enjoy the changing weather. I'm still not over it but I feel like I can venture outside a little today (unfortunately my wifes recovery is not so quick, please send her your best wishes). I will go out now and enjoy the season of rebirth. I hope anyone reading this is able to do the same.

In Gassho.